Prediction Perfection: Patriots Pound Panthers

Prediction Perfection: Patriots Pound Panthers

For those of you who follow this column closely, you may remember that I usually do a playoff column and then a Super Bowl column. Due to a time crunch, I was unable to do a playoff preview. So, this year, I am combining the two. The good news is that my playoff predictions should be a lot more accurate--you know, since I'm predicting the games after their completions and all. Without further delay, here are my post-game predictions:

Broncos - Colts: The Broncos become confused when Colts quarterback Peyton Manning throws four incomplete passes and still has a perfect quarterback rating. ("Huh? That ain't right!") Colts win.

Cowboys - Panthers: Is it possible that a team with a questionable quarterback and a mediocre running back could lose to a team with a good defense? Yes, it is. Panthers win.

Seahawks - Packers: Dreadlocks break the deadlock as Al Harris will return an overtime interception for a touchdown. Packers win.

Titans - Ravens: I predict a tie. (Don't worry. I only picked this one a tie to throw off the Feds. They might have gotten suspicious if I had predicted all the games correctly.)

Panthers - Rams: Is it possible that a team with a good quarterback and a potential Hall-of-Fame running back could lose to a team with a good defense? Yes, especially if that team's head coach flips his lid in the last minute or so of the game. I'll pick the Panthers.

Patriots - Titans/Ravens: It would seem two against one would do in the Patriots. But remember David said when he was facing Goliath? "Losing to giants is for the birds." (I think there's a pun or two in there somewhere.) Patriots will liberate a victory.

Packers - Eagles: Against the Raiders, Brett Farve/Favre aimlessly throwing deep and letting the receivers miraculously catch the ball is called spectacular. Against the Eagles, aimlessly throwing deep is called an interception. Eagles will win.

Colts - Chiefs: Two high-flying offenses. Two wave-as-they-go-by defenses. In a NFL version of the NBA All-Star game, the East (Colts) will beat the West (Chiefs).

Panthers - Eagles: Carnivores always win. Wait, that doesn't help. Bigger carnivores always win. Panthers devour the Eagles.

Colts - Patriots: What did Paul Revere saddle up to help defeat the British? A horse. Patriots ride Colts to victory.

Now the big one: the Super Bowl!

Panthers - Patriots: Going back to the California recall alphabet, we see three letters deep that "n" sneaks ahead of "t." Of course, New England is before Carolina, so we're really back where we . . .

Wait a minute! Carolina is neither a city nor a state! Same with New England! We've been duped! This isn't the nationally broadcasted game! This is the regional game; as in "Watch Sunday as the Cowboys battle the 49ers or other regional action. Check your local listings for the game in your area." I don't know what the nationwide audience will be shown. Maybe a good game, like the Eagles and Colts. Or a classic game, like the Immaculate Reception game. Bah! It will probably be professional bowling or something. It may even be yet another Sunday afternoon showing of "The Shawshank Redemption" (especially if the network doesn't have the double-header and you're shown the early game). If I bought chips and dip to watch a Trading Spaces marathon, I'll be saddened.

So for those you who'll be able to watch the game, enjoy. The rest of us will have to find something else to do. That's okay. With neither the Raiders nor the Vikings in the playoffs, the playoffs and Super Bowl are essentially just time occupants while we wait for the official start of next season: the NFL Draft (motto: the greatest thousand minutes in sports). I'm sure there is SOMETHING good on television.

Check your local listings.

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The opinions expressed here are solely those of the writer and do not neccessarily reflect those of the rest of the family.

mark@wentzmania.com.