I’ll Take Sports Potpourri for $600
I won’t go into the cluttered mind bit. However, the random thoughts part is very odd. How fortunate it is that every “random” thought actually has to do with sports and, quite usually, with current sports headline material. Nothing like, “my computer screen has a smudge,” or “I like gum,” or “my shoe suddenly feels tight.” Either the writer has a one track mind or the thoughts are not truly random. It’s actually more like “Sports Potpourri” of Jeopardy fame. (Perhaps the guy who called them “random thoughts” had been into the “potent potables.”)
So here are my Potent Thoughts from and Potpourric Mind.
Baseball recently played its All Star Game. People get bent out of shape because players who don’t “belong” there are voted there by the fans. For instance, the top vote-getter among second basemen this year was Steve Sax. Since fans cannot be trusted to vote for the correct players, in some minds, fans shouldn’t be allowed to vote for all stars. I’m just kidding about Steve Sax, but there were players voted on to this year’s team that some experts said shouldn’t have been there. I don’t know. My thought is this: if you don’t want the fans to vote, don’t call it the All-Star game. Being a star and being the best are two totally different things. You can be the best without being a star and you can be a star without being the best. Call it the All Pro game. Call it the Top Players Game. Call it the Best Darn Teams Game Period. It’s promoted as the mid-summer classic; call it that. But don’t call it the All-Star game unless you want the stars to play.
Another of baseball’s big stories is Kenny Rogers, not to be confused with country music’s gambler. Mr. Rogers (good gravy, could this guy’s name be any less original?) didn’t appreciate a camera or two, so he decided to take matters into his own hands. I’m not sure what all happened, but a few television cameras and television camera operators were harmed during the filming of his tantrum.
Afterward, all the old arguments came out as they do when there are any athlete/non-athlete confrontations. “My purchasing this ticket means I can lob any abuse I want at you.” No, it doesn’t. If it did, I’d be making my fortune at bars selling tickets to people giving them permission to brawl. Boo. Cheer. Be entertained. But verbally, or physically, abusing people is just a poor showing.
Another one is, “This guy makes [X] dollars! He should (choose one:) be able to take it, act more mature, satisfy any autograph demands I have, satisfy any picture demands I have, satisfy those demands anywhere and any time, never make a mistake in the field of play.” No, he shouldn’t. I believe that celebrities are entitled to their privacy. And how does money correlate to maturity? As one gets older, one should grow more and more mature no matter how much one makes. Actually, I think the first part is the interesting part: This guy makes X dollars. How much does one have to make before this crazy line of thinking comes into play? Is there a chart somewhere telling us how much a person needs to make before you can do certain things to him or her?
$1 - $5000: You can roll your eyes at the person
$5001-$10,000: You can roll your eyes and say something passive-aggressive
$10,001-$25,000: You can flip the person the bird
$25,001-$75,000: Spitting is okay
$75,001-$125,000: You may say vulgar things about the person’s heritage
$125,001-$500,000: You may say vulgar things about the person’s mother
$500,001-$999,999: Fists may fly
$1,000,000-$9,999,999: Gun play is a-okay
$10,000,000 on up: If you have a nuclear arsenal, now’s the time to use it.
[Note: if you bought a ticket, each right moves up one salary bracket.]
Next time someone crosses you, ask him or her for tax records and use the above chart to gauge your response options accordingly.
No, I’m not suggesting that what the baseball player in question did was okay. I’m only saying that the media and fans often have sensibilities as out of whack as the athletes about which they complain.
Basketball has a new collective bargaining agreement. In it is a clause reading that American players cannot join the NBA until one year after their class graduates from high school. (International players must turn 19 by the end of the year.) Of course, that just reintroduces the debate over whether it should be mandatory for athletes to attend college before turning pro. My view: these guys can make millions in the NBA without college. If you’re going to complain about people going straight to work after high school, look at the ones going straight to factory work. When a kid can become rich, it’s “he should go to school first.” When a kid can end up in a dead-end and low-paying job, the high-horse folks do not even bat an eyelash. All the NBA really needs to do is introduce a minor league and the players could get money while learning any skills they might need to join the NBA. Or they could have a rookie squad: 5 guys who don’t play but still get to practice for a year or two until they are good enough for game action.
If you’re like me, especially when it comes to football, you like news and you like it year-round. So what do you do? You go to the team web page. Actually, you don’t. Many team web pages do not have valuable information for the fans. Sure, they have the latest public appearance schedule. They have photos from the cheerleader tryouts. They have the cheerleader calendar. Links for ticket buyers. Links to the online store. The latest charitable event. But no roster news. No inside information. You’re lucky if the roster is somewhat current. I guess the professional sports team web site is a public relations site and not really for fans. That’s unfortunate because there’s plenty of demand for team information. Maybe the teams go by the old entertainment adage: leave ‘em wanting more.
Speaking of football, Mike Nolan is the new head coach of the San Francisco 49ers. His father, Dick Nolan, was the head coach of the 49ers from 1968-1975. Dick wore a shirt and tie on the sidelines. (As Grampa Simpson would say, that was the style at the time.) Mike wanted to honor his father by doing the same. Nope. No can do. The NFL is sponsored by a certain sportswear company which doesn’t make dress shirts. Therefore, Mike cannot look nice on the sidelines. As you may know, I’m not big into the corporate sponsorship of major professional sports teams or leagues, especially when the sponsors get say over on-field activities. The evil side of me would do the following: find some old beat up clothes made by that company. Add a few stains. Add a few rips. Perhaps write a few choice words on them with a marker. Throw them on and wear that on game day. Hey, it’s the sponsor’s product! Just following the rules.
One final note for all of those folks taking issue with anything I’ve said. I don’t get paid for this, so you can forget the chart. Your powers to abuse are useless here.
I mean, unless you purchased a ticket or something.
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The opinions expressed here are solely those of the writer and do not neccessarily reflect those of the rest of the family.
© 2005, Mark Wentz