Grounded in Outer Space
Why am I doing this?
I like to get on the ground floor of things.
I attended the Green Party caucus this March. It was the first one ever in Minnesota. I even have a pin/button/thingy-for-your-shirt to commemorate it. I wanted to get in on the ground floor of Minnesota Green Party politics.
A couple of years ago, I proclaimed myself Rochester's Number 2 Citizen. Why? I heard that a certain fellow in Rochester proclaimed himself Rochester's Number 1 Citizen. It sounded like a good idea, so I grabbed the previously unclaimed Rochester's Number 2 Citizen. I wanted to get in on the ground floor ranking myself in my community.
In such a fashion, I decided to activate the initial stages of my travels to outer space.
It started several weeks ago. Lance Bass of *NSYNC was preparing to go to outer space. Then I heard that Michael Jackson was going to use his fortunes to travel to outer space. I saw the celebrity insanity and said, "Me next!" I wanted in on the ground floor.
Okay, so you're saying that the difference is those guys are celebrities. (I was hoping that you were saying that I'm not insane, but I know that ain't happening.) But I am a minor internet celebrity through Grudge Match (just check out the nasty e-mails I receive as such). Granted I'm not "A" list or "B" list or even "C" list. More like "RRH seat 17" list. But I might be a "celebrity" none-the-less.
I have no guess on why Michael Jackson wants to go to outer space. I really have no explanation for why he does many of the things he does. Maybe his middle name in "Inexplicable" because that tends to be the word most used in connection with him.
The surprise about Michael Jackson is that he, apparently, wasn't in space all along. He sure seemed like it. Along with all the crazy shenanigans, he's had tons of plastic surgery. With his current weird hue, he's lucky he wasn't around in the 1950s or earlier. They would have suspected him to be an alien. All things considered, it might have been more newsworthy if he had announced he landed again.
I'm not sure why Lance Bass decided he wanted to go into space, either. All I know is that *NSYNC could use some uplifting news. If you haven't heard, the relationship between Britney Spears and *NSYNC's Justin Timberlake seems to be on rocky terrain. I know. A shocker! What's more shocking is that I know the names of two of *NSYNC's singers. How did that happen? It's not like they have easy to remember names like the Spice Girls. Perhaps they could have used Kitchen, Bathroom, and Ring-Around-The SYNC. They didn't. Yet somehow I know two of their names.
But that still doesn't answer the question "Why, Lance? Why?"
Maybe Lance took Casey Kasem too seriously. You know Casey. He's the guy who says "Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars." Maybe somebody should tell Lance that Kasem was just using a figure of speech. Casey's just spewing platitudes. It was never meant to be taken literally.
Maybe Lance just wants to meet Michael.
Whatever the reasons, Bass and Jackson are planning trips to space, and I'm thumbing a ride. But I think we all know the reason why Justin and Britney aren't planning a trip together to outer space:
Theirs was not a match made in heaven.
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The opinions expressed here are solely those of the writer and do not neccessarily reflect those of the rest of the family.
© 2002, Mark Wentz