Prison Terms: Funds or Foe?
15 or 20 years ago, we had a big problem with people being taken hostage. Comedian Jimmy Walker made light of it saying (as I remember it), "The Lebanese don't want us there. They said 'Don't come here. We don't want you. If you come here, we will kill you.' So, now, when people go on vacation, what's the first thing they say? 'Let's go to Lebanon!'"
It's kind of like that now with prisons. "How can I donate to your cause?" "Let us throw you in prison." You are supposed to not want to be there, yet we do things to make it seem fun. Case in point, my wife. She was volunteered for a charity event (in other words, it wasn't her idea but she didn't say no). What was the charity event? She was "arrested" and had to call people until she raised bail: $1000 to the charity holding the event. (Thanks to all who overlooked her newfound criminal record and pledged money to her charity.) Yes, treat me like a common criminal and I'll be glad to raise money for your organization. On the bright side, Stephanie was able--just like real inmates--to ride to the "jail" in a limousine.
But it doesn't stop there. Often, when prisons open, they do a practice run. No, they don't find unsavory characters to fill the prison and see if they can keep control. They hold a fund-raiser. For a certain amount of money, you can spend the night in jail. You dress up in a formal dress or tuxedo (just like real inmates), have a lovely dinner and a dance, and then are sent to your cell where you sleep the night away in the leisurely confines of a prison cell. ("We'll leave the gate locked for you!")
Who in the world thought this up?
Wouldn't it make more sense to rob a bank? You get money, instead of having to PAY for a night in jail. Plus, you get to stay longer. If the point were, after all, to enjoy an evening in jail, wouldn't there be more enjoyment in a longer stay? Maybe this is many a-CEO's thinking lately with all of the fraud going on. "Well, the only thing they'll do is put me in prison and I stayed in a prison once as a fundraiser and it was delightful. This is a no-lose situation."
I blame it all on Hogan's Heroes. Hogan's Heroes was a situation comedy about soldiers in a German prison camp. Oh, the shenanigans. They had tunnels, radios, and durable stay-clean clothes. Wheee! Plus they were always pulling stuff over on Colonel Klink. They made prison seem fun. Maybe that's why the crime rate is so high now. People are doing anything they can to get into prison so they can escape through a tunnel to a region of high adventure (Nazi Germany, presumably).
Look where this has lead!
Nowadays, some people actually do try to get arrested. They're called activists. Some go out and engage in criminal activities, for the purpose of getting arrested. I don't understand this. Oh, I understand getting arrested for your cause. I just don't understand trying to get arrested for your cause. There's no inherent shame in getting arrested in my book--especially with Bush, Inc. and Johnny Ashcroft running things. Things are so biased toward the rich person or business owner that simply practicing your first amendment right to peaceful demonstration is an arrestable "offense." Somehow, having a grievance against a well-to-do person became a crime. Because of that, people who are not criminals are being treated as criminals. You know, taken to jails. However, without the limo ride, the formal gown, or the ballroom dance, is this justice?
It floored me when, as a teenager, I heard Jimmy Carter respond to a question about his daughter Amy getting arrested. Being the conservative it's-wrong-to-make-waves teen I was, my jaw dropped when I heard Carter, a former president (see how naïve I was? I thought president was a position worthy of respect.), replied with "I'm very proud of her." Ah, how the world changes as you get older. I now understand activism. Of course, I'm often informed that as you get older yet you go back to being more conservative. I'd make a joke about it being senility but, as a liberal, I'm too politically correct to make that kind of joke.
However, some people are intentionally committing crimes at or near protests for the direct intention of getting arrested. How does that help one's cause? If anything, it would help the protest's target. They just have to show protesters vandalizing the store and voiceover it with "Criminals hate our furs; you're not a criminal … are you? Buy our furs!" (Hey, it worked with patriotism-based ads after September 11th.)
Of course, the idea behind protests is to get publicity. One way to get publicity during a protest is to get on the news. One way to get on the news is to get arrested for committing a crime. That's why they do it. Now people dress up in oversized costumes. It's all just to get attention for your cause. As long as the corporate-approved network news gives only the pro-corporate side of every story, we doomed to be watching arrested protesters and oversized costumes on television as a "look at these idiots" story. Hopefully, people look behind the rough surface to see that underneath is a person trying to improve the world. They're kind of like muppets -- to the EXTREME! However, instead of teaching about numbers and letters, they're teaching about injustice and conscience.
So we have prisons to prevent crime. Then we have prisons to raise charitable funds. Then we have prisons to publicize causes. Then we have prisons to make former presidents proud of their offspring. In the overall picture, prisons are diverse and multidimensional assets to our communities. Or they've just gone all wacky. I'm not sure which.
To sum up, I approve of protests. I think jail should not be fun. I don't approve of committing crimes. I'm wishy-washy on the muppets. And my youth was heavily influenced by personalities named "Jimmy" who had big smiles.
Most importantly, my wife now has something resembling a prison record for which I can mercilessly tease her.
Now THAT is fun!
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The opinions expressed here are solely those of the writer and do not neccessarily reflect those of the rest of the family.
© 2002, Mark Wentz