And now a Word from our Sponsor, er, Membership ...
"We sure do, Mark! But just think of all the wonderful things we get on Wentzmania.com that you don't get from those non-elitist commercial web sites: a whole page depicting our trip to Ireland ..."
"Hey! That's entertaining and educational for the younger viewers! You can learn all about everything in Ireland just by visiting our web site!"
"Yeah! Plus, we've got pages depicting our other trip to Europe. And a picture of your bald head, Mark!"
"Wow! It's truly amazing what people can find on our web site. Fascinating hyperlinks, HILARIOUS cartoons, and controversial images. That's content you don't get anywhere else!"
"But we need your money! Those features don't come free, you know!"
"Actually, they do, because I stole most of them! Plus, don't we receive boatloads of government financing?"
"Yeah, but we have to pay for hosting and internet access! And we don't have commercials on Wentzmania.com!"
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"You know, Stephanie, I can't think of better gift for a loved one than a 6-month subscription to Wentzmania.com with all of its excellent content: it's really a treasure!"
"I know! Wentzmania.com is both entertaining and educational for the whole family ... not like those other sites which are full of nonsense and violence."
"Why wouldn't people want to pledge money?"
"I have no clue, Mark, but some people don't. They view our site but don't pledge. You know what word describes them, don't you?"
"Yep, 'thieves!' They're partaking of free media and refusing to pay for it. That's just unethical! Especially with the truly superior content of our web site."
"And we have outstanding gifts to show our appreciation to viewers who pledge. At the $25 level, we have an audiocassette of Mark impersonating professional wrestlers. At the $75 level, you receive the compact disc version of Mark's impersonations. At the $100 level, you get the video of Mark. And, if you pledge $150, you get your choice of the audiocassette, cd, video, OR a DVD of the performance!"
"Doesn't something come with the DVD, Stephanie?"
"Yes! You get exclusive behind-the-scenes footage of Mark going to the hospital after his throat hemorrhaged while trying to impersonate Randy "Macho Man" Savage. AND you get an autographed picture of Mark holding a bag of chips while sitting in front of the television!"
"WOW! Who wouldn't want that?"
"I can't think of anyone. So pledge NOW! Phone lines are open! Remember, it's your civic duty to pledge money to anyone who demands fair compensation for something they brag about giving you for free!"
"Wow! That's so true! And I think something commonly overlooked is the high quality content of Wentzmania.com. Why, I was just telling friends of mine about something I read on Wentzmania.com, and they were just astounded about how fascinating it was."
"Won't you all keep the fascination flowing? Pledge to Wentzmania.com now! Remember, you're reading this, so you owe us!"
With that, we'll return you to our wonderful web page content.
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The opinions expressed here are solely those of the writer and do not neccessarily reflect those of the rest of the family.
© 2001, Mark Wentz