A Christmas Letter to Our Non-Christian Friends

Christmas time is upon us. Christmas is the day we Christians celebrate the birthday of the one we believe to be our savior: Jesus H. Christ. That’s right--the day. This may come as a surprise to you since the celebration officially starts, in the United States, the day after Thanksgiving. Unofficially, it started the day after New Year’s in 2004. We Christians like to plan ahead.

Mr. Christ was born around 2000 years ago in a town called Bethlehem, which, as you may know, is in the Middle East. Naturally, we celebrate using a Caucasian guy dressed in artic wear and driving a sleigh. He’s Santa Claus. At midnight Christmas Eve/Christmas morning, he travels around the world bringing toys to Christian boys and girls. (On his behalf, I’d like to thank you for making his load a little lighter.) He puts the toys in stockings (like Jesus wore) or under an evergreen tree (like the ones Jesus climbed in his youth).

We also use decorations. As you’ve probably figured out, lights are a big part of it. We’re very grateful for the electric light bulb. Before that, we had to relight our outdoor decor after every gust of wind. (And the flashing light thing was an amazingly difficult task with candles.)

You may hear one or more of us wish you a merry Christmas. Others of us may wish you “happy holidays.” (One guy wishes everyone a holly-jolly Christmas, but you can just skip to the next track on the CD when he does.) There is a debate, among Christians, as to which greeting should be used. Some of think “happy holidays” is fine as it can encompass those who do not celebrate Christmas as well as those who do and those who celebrate more than one holiday. Others believe that we should use only “merry Christmas” because it is the, as one musician repeats ad nauseam, “reason for the season.” (We’ll let you know after Christmas how we’d like your New Year holiday to be.) These folks tend to believe that Christians are oppressed in the United States. Don’t believe me? Just try to take a Ten Commandments monument away from a government building or suggest that the constitution need not include an amendment banning same sex marriage.

The Christians in the United States as oppressed angle is a bit like Emeril Lagasse complaining that there’s nothing good in the fridge. I wonder if these are the same people who wig out when the “race card” is played. It would be fun to find out. Former Minnesota Governor Jesse Ventura once said that “Organized religion is a sham and a crutch for weak-minded people who need strength in numbers. It tells people to go out and stick their noses in other people's business.” That’s not wholly true. Only a significant percentage of us are weak-minded people who need strength in numbers and stick our noses in other people’s business. We’re needy and insecure. Okay, not all of us; just that significant portion of us. We need you and the government to let us know it is okay to be Christian. We need a national day of prayer; otherwise we might forget to pray. We need the Ten Commandments posted in government buildings or we might forget our religion. We need “under God” in the Pledge of Allegiance. And we need you to have a merry Christmas. Please validate us and our beliefs. Or don’t. Either way, the significant percentage of us will demand your validation again tomorrow.

One would think you’d get a break from the oppression claims during this time of year when even other Christians sometimes feel overwhelmed at being bombarded with the holiday trappings. Nope. No Christmas break for you. Not even a holiday break or a winter break. We’re all in this together; at least until we can blame you for one of this nation’s problems.

So, have a Merry Christmas. Please, bear with us as it only comes around once each year.

We’ll be sure to give you some warning next year.

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The opinions expressed here are solely those of the writer and do not neccessarily reflect those of the rest of the family.

© 2005, Mark Wentz