Noodle Scratchers of the Past Year of Football
Rush Limbaugh on ESPN. Network hires shock jock. Shock jock says something stupid. Shock jock no longer with network. Pretty simple and everyone got what they wanted. Shock jock gets publicity. Networks gets ratings. Win-win. Sorry if I seem overly under whelmed by this. I watched the coverage the Sunday following Limbaugh’s Donovan McNabb comments. (I didn’t watch while Limbaugh was on and I didn’t watch much after that). I saw a lot of self-congratulating and high-road taking. Yawn. It didn’t take a sports genius to figure out that was going to happen. I watched for one simple reason. I wanted to see if, after this “We’re so progressive” love fest, when they were previewing the week’s football games, would they walk the walk or would they use the slur nickname of the Washington team? They used Washington’s slur nickname. I’m unimpressed, but not surprised.
What did we learn? Absolutely nothing.
“Wardrobe Malfunction” at the Super Bowl. I’ve seen enough LTW (less than wholesome) cheerleader shots and LTW commercials during football games to know the NFL wasn’t concerned so much with being family friendly. I don’t know what their deal was. I guess viewers were upset that the sanctity (tongue planted firmly in cheek) of the half-time show was compromised. Nothing says Super Bowl like to pop stars lip-synching. Children lip-synchers need role models, too, you know!
What did we learn? We should be able to watch oversized brutes smash into each other as a family.
Ricky Williams retires. For those of you who don’t know who Ricky Williams is, good! He likes it that way. Williams was an NFL running back who retired abruptly just before training camp started. While others gnash their teeth, I say kudos. I wish I could retire at age 27. Sure, it messes up my fantasy football league draft, but I tell you what; if I came upon millions of dollars, I’d retire, too. (Fair warning to those of you planning your Fantasy Blogger League draft.)
But the Williams situation reminds me of one of the best ways to tell who’s wealthy and who isn’t. I’ve noticed this following football the last couple decades. Sometimes a family member of a football player will become horrendously sick. The football player will forego a year of playing to tend to the family member. THAT is the difference between rich and poor. While the rich person quits the job and drops the paycheck, a less wealthy person will do whatever is possible to keep the job while trying to find the insane balance of keeping the job (with any health care package attached) and tending to the family member. So if you know someone who is taking a year off to tend to a family matter, you know that that person most likely has some major finances going. And, by gum, more power to them!
But there’s more. Many folks are accusing Williams of selfishness because he left the team with no warning and just before the season’s practices began, leaving them no time to find a replacement. They might have a point there. However, it’s rarely a concern the other way. For instance, Pete Kendall was released by the Arizona Cardinals a few days later. Where does that leave him? Was anyone concerned about his difficulty finding a team for this season?
But team and player loyalty issues have always had me scratching my head. Players can tell you until they’re blue in the face that they bleed purple. But, within minutes of signing with a new team, they’re quick to bleed silver and black. And it goes both ways. A head coach can drone on for hours talking about how important a player is to the team. The minute the player’s bonus is due, he’s let go.
What did we learn? Ricky Williams is wealthy; and there’s a lot of green flowing through some people’s veins.
Here’s the biggest noodle-scratcher of the past year. Norv Turner is the new coach of the Oakland Raiders (Okay, while that is a noodle-scratcher, I’m actually setting up context for the biggest noodle-scratcher). The team decides that some well-known Raiders are no longer needed. (Noodle scratcher alert:) When the Raiders release them, Turner tells the media how great the players had been to the organization. It may be true; but how would Turner know? When he was coaching in Miami, was he making calls to those in the know to find out if Bill Romanowski was showing respect to the Raider family. When he was head coach in Washington, did he study game film of the Raiders to see if Rod Woodson was, [ahem] “representin’”? George Carlin has a bit where he makes fun of airlines. In it, he mentions that, as the airplane is landing, the flight attendant will welcome the passengers to the city. Carlin asks “How can someone who is just arriving herself possible welcome me to a place she isn't even at yet? Doesn't this violate some fundamental law of physics? We're only on the ground 4 seconds; she's coming on like the … mayor's wife!” I get the same feeling when I see new coaches and players acting like they’ve been on the team for years when they haven’t ever played a down for it. I suppose it would be impolite to let stars go without recognizing their work, but it doesn’t seem very sincere.
What did we learn? There’s a fine line between football press conferences and political pandering.
Here was a line in the Minneapolis Star-Tribine transactions listing on September 2, 2004. “Carolina: Waived-injured WR Donald Hayes and DT Rod Walker.” The interesting thing about that is the hyphen. They waived and injured Hayes and Walker? Does the NFL players union know about this? Can a player get a grievance around here? This is one team for which you’d want to give your all--I mean, if you want to see your family again.
What did we learn? Beware of the “No Competition” clause in your NFL contract.
Injuries, injuries, injuries. Every year, a superstar or two (or more) get significantly injured during a preseason game. The pundits then begin hand-wringing over why the NFL has four preseason games. (The answer: money.) It hasn’t been so loud this year as not so many superstars have been injured. But there have been some injuries and there has been some questioning. It happens every year and no one has done anything about it any of the years. Personally, I don’t see why they need any preseason games. College football doesn’t have them. And I wouldn’t think preseason games would be very helpful for judging talent. Usually, the first string lines up against the other team’s first string. Second string against second string. Third string against third string. What’s the point? Wouldn’t you want to know how your players compete against people who will not only make the team but will also play? Is it so the fans can chant “our players who probably won’t make the team are better than your players who probably won’t make the team”? I wonder if a coach has ever told a reporter at half-time, “Well, if we can get our entire first string team injured and if the Packers can get their entire first string team injured, we might just pull off a victory.”
What did we learn? College football, once again, rocks! (And I still won’t watch it.)
Finally, football style trading cards. I enjoy collecting football cards. My interest has waned over the past several years. No, I didn’t follow my mother’s demand and “Grow up!” Topps brand trading cards have gotten worse. Let’s compare the set from my first year of collecting cards (1983) to the 2004 set. First, let’s compare the price. In 1983, there were 13 cards in a pack for 30 cents. That’s makes it about 2 cents per card. In 2004, a box of 36 10-card-packs cost about $54. That’s about 15 cents per card. I don’t know what inflation is during that time, but that’s a huge price jump.
Bigger than that (although price can be a big concern if the buyer is someone on a 10-year-old fan’s allowance), is the variety. In 1983, almost 9 percent of the cards were quarterbacks. In 2004, 18 percent were quarterbacks. For running backs, it was 14 percent in 1983 and 24 percent in 2004. For wide outs, it was 13 percent in 1983 and 32 percent in 2004. In 1983, offensive linemen, defensive linemen, linebackers, cornerbacks, safeties, punters, and kickers combined for almost 50 percent of the set. In 2004, that group accounts for almost 16 percent. One more: in 1983, offensive linemen, punters, and kickers accounted for just over 16 percent of the set. In 2004, that group is represented by 3 cards. Not 3 percent. 3 cards.
For those of us who like the entire team, this is bad news. Only the glamour positions are represented. If your favorite player only gets his named mentioned when he “shanks” a punt, “botches” a field goal, or costs the team an 80 yard touchdown run because he was caught “holding,” good luck finding his football card. Okay, when I put it that way, it doesn’t sound so bad. But what of the good kickers and punters and linemen? Are they not as deserving to have their picture and name adhered to a piece of cardboard as is a Joe Schlobotnik?
The good news, however, is that if your team’s first string and second string wide receivers and the Packers first string and second string wide receivers all get hurt, you can still pull out your 2004 trading cards and get the stats on the wide receivers for which you and the Packers fans are rooting.
What have we learned? Time to get a grown up hobby. (Maybe killing bears, or getting drunk and trying to knock down pins with a bowling ball or square dancing or something.)
Of course, this is usually the time to predict how the season will end. Okay, here goes. The NFC favorite Philadelphia Eagles will be in the Super Bowl. Since every year needs to have a Cinderella contestant in the Super Bowl, we’ll need to pick one from the AFC. How about the Cincinatti Bengals? Of course, the Eagles will devour the Bengals, but it will give the nation a few more weeks to chant Bengal cult favorite Rudi Johnson’s first name. (Rudi.)
What did we learn? It’s time for the beginning of the NFL season.
At least that’s what my LTW NFL cheerleader swimsuit calendar says.
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The opinions expressed here are solely those of the writer and do not neccessarily reflect those of the rest of the family.
© 2004, Mark Wentz