Football: The Purist of Entertainment





I'm a sports purist. A sports purist is someone who feels the game should be exactly how it was when he or she learned the game. You'll hear a sports purist use phrases like "played the game the way the game was meant to be played," "in the game's heyday," and "Hello, I'm Bob Costas."

Well, count me in. I'm a sports purist. I believe that the Rams should be Los Angeles, the Colts should be in Baltimore, and the Buccaneers should be in the cellar. I believe the Broncos should be in a place called Mile High Stadium, the 49ers should be in a place called Candlestick Park, and the Buccaneers should be in a place called the cellar.

But that isn't realistic. Things change. I mean, come on. It's not like Morten Andersen is still playing, is it? Oh, wait. Number 8 on the Kansas City Chiefs. Oops. I guess some things don't change.

Here's something that has changed since the purest times: we now have the internet. When I was young, my only source for NFL information was the daily newspaper. And even that was minimal during the off season. Now, thanks to the internet, there is no off season. People have the opportunity to share news, receive news, and expect news all year round. While this is often a good thing (I like football news), there are two bad sides. You know how every pregame show every week seems to find time for a human interest story about Kurt Warner, Marshall Faulk, or the Colts trio of Peyton Manning, Marvin Harrison, and Edgerrin James? Well, imagine that year round. Blech! I don't want warm fuzzy; I want news.

The second bad side is what becomes news. Here's a quote found on www.thesportingnews.com from new Minnesota Vikings head coach Mike Tice:

The coaches will wear black shoes, black slacks and white golf shirts with a Vikings emblem. I'll wear a black sweater vest. I just think it gives you a little classier look. Why black instead of purple? I'm 6-8 and weigh 285. If I wore purple, I'd look like Barney.
This is pretty bad. Not just the Barney thing, either. They became so desperate for information that they actually took the time to discuss what Mike Tice was going to wear on the sidelines. If it were a gorilla (or guerrilla) outfit or a space suit, that would have been news. But a sweater vest? Not news.

In a perfect world, he would have chosen the purple sweater vest for the expressed purpose of looking like Barney. Not only would that be news, that would be funny. And intimidating. Would you (in competition any sort) want to be going against a 6' 8" 285 pound guy who dresses himself to look like Barney? I wouldn't.

But, if he's going to dress in black, he could at least shave his head and, instead of a black sweater vest, wear a black robe. He could look like Uncle Fester from the Adams Family. You want classy?" That's classy!

Back to the internet. On CNNSI's web site, reporter/columnist/coffee-drinker Peter King tools around the country going to NFL training camps and posting highlights on the web site. Part of his ritual for the postcard posted on the web site is announcing AND grading the lunch he had with the team. I'm not sure if this is an "Unlike you, I get to have lunch with NFL players" taunt or just nod to what the public wants, but it sure is weird. He's a tough critic, too. He goes on about how great the burger was and then gives it a B-. I wonder what it takes to get a B+. All I know is that I sure hope he's not the same Peter who's bouncing at the pearl gates of heaven. I don't know that I could pass muster. Imagine this one: "Jesus, huh? Love your teachings. I can't think of a better Messiah than you! I'll give you a solid B."

While I'm not officially longing for way back when there were only three channels on television and one newspaper at the door, I would like to ask those what write anything and everything about football fluff to just tone down a little. Maybe work on that novel. Perhaps take up gardening. Maybe even replace the worn carpet between the sofa and the refrigerator. Just don't write about football!

Of course, the most pathetic part of all of this is I'm reading the stuff. I guess I have too much time on my hands. But I'll tell you what. I'm better than I used to be. When I first became addicted to football, I'd watch anything about football. ANYTHING! One evening, I even watched a documentary about the history of the Green Bay Packers. Ladies and gentlemen, I believe this is called "hitting bottom." Any time you combine the words "watched" and "Green Bay Packers," there had better be a " so-and-so beat the snot out of" in between. Otherwise, it's just lame.

Speaking of lame, here are my predictions for the 2002 NFL season.

AFC EAST
Dolphins
Bills
Patriots
Jets

AFC North
Steelers
Browns
Bengals
Ravens

AFC South
Colts
Texans
Titans
Jaguars

AFC West
Raiders
Broncos
Chargers
Chiefs

NFC East
Redskins
Cowboys
Eagles
Giants

NFC North
Lions
Vikings
Bears
Packers

NFC South
Saints
Falcons
Buccaneers
Panthers

NFC West
49ers
Rams
Seahawks
Cardinals

In the AFC Championship game, the Raiders beat the Steelers.
In the NFC Championship game, Washington beats the 49ers.
In Super Bowl XXXL, the Raiders beat Washington.

By the way, one thing that hasn't changed is no one looks back to see how poorly he or she predicted last season's finish. Following that tradition, I won't bother you with how I did last year.

After all, I am a purist.

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The opinions expressed here are solely those of the writer and do not neccessarily reflect those of the rest of the family.

mark@wentzmania.com.

© 2002, Mark Wentz