Football Prognostication: It's Anybody's (Ingenious) Guess.

Football Prognostication: It's Anybody's (Ingenious) Guess.

It's NFL time again.

Like any true football fan, I have to make predictions on how teams will do this year. Sure, even the experts look like baffled fools when the season ends and their predictions are proven horribly, horribly wrong. I'm no expert, but I think I can do a pretty decent job of guessing.

Actually, I'm not guessing. I've got an ingenious formula for predicting the teams' standings at the end of the season. I'm not going to say what it is because next year people will steal it and use my brains to pass themselves off as geniuses. Let them think for themselves.

The proof is in the pudding, as they say, so here goes:

AFC Central
Pittsburgh Steelers
Cleveland Browns
Cincinnati Bengals
Jacksonville Jaguars
Tennessee Titans
Baltimore Ravens

This is probably the division where the "experts" will laugh at me the most. I have it pretty much reverse of their estimations. But, then, none of them picked the Giants to win the NFC last year. (Or the Rams the year before.) (Or Atlanta the year before that.)

AFC East
Buffalo Bills
Miami Dolphins
New York Jets
Indianapolis Colts
New England Patriots

You can believe this pick as I'd never try to buffalo you.

AFC West
Oakland Raiders
San Diego Chargers
Kansas City Chiefs
Denver Broncos
Seattle Seahawks

The Raiders were in the Super Bowl in the 60's, 70's, and 80's. Then something strange happened. Oh yeah, the 90's. I think we'd all agree that the 90's were strange. Well, that decade is over, so it's Raider time again.

NFC Central
Minnesota Vikings
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Chicago Bears
Detroit Lions
Green Bay Packers

The Vikings have what the Packers do not have--my prediction to win the division.

NFC East
Dallas Cowboys
Philadelphia Eagles
New York Giants
Arizona Cardinals
Washington Redskins

If the Cowboys pull this off, it would be a miracle. Thank goodness I believe in miracles.

NFC West
St. Louis Rams
New Orleans Saints
San Francisco 49ers
Atlanta Falcons
Carolina Panthers

The Saints charted well for me, but their archrivals, St. Louis, will stop them at the gateway. (By the way, "charted" is the term we prognosticators use when we put a team or player through our ingenious formulas. Fun fact.)

(By the way II, "prognosticators" is a word we prognosticators made up to describe ourselves. The word itself sounds pretty gross, doesn't it? Cool!)

AFC Division Champions
Raiders, Bills, Steelers

AFC Wildcard entries
Chargers, Browns, Dolphins

NFC Division Champions
Vikings, Cowboys, Rams

NFC Wildcard entries
Buccaneers, Bears, Saints

For those of you who are wondering how Atlanta and Carolina ended up in the West, Dallas and Arizona ended up in the East, and Tampa Bay in the Central; don't worry. The NFL plans to realign its divisions next season. It will put Atlanta, Carolina, and Tampa Bay in a South division, Arizona in a West division, and Dallas in an…uh…East division. Okay, four out of five ain't bad.

Here are how the playoffs will stack up.

Wildcard games:
Dolphins at Steelers--Steelers win this one.
Browns at Chargers--Chargers win this one.
Saints at Rams--Rams win this one.
Bears at Buccaneers--Buccaneers win this one.

Divisional games:
Chargers at Raiders--Raiders win.
Steelers at Bills--Bills win.
Buccaneers at Vikings--Vikings win.
Rams at Cowboys--Cowboys win.

Conference Championships:
Bills at Raiders--Raiders win.
Cowboys at Vikings--Vikings win

Super Bowl XXUDS4JUDXXII (or whatever the Roman numerals are for this year's Super Bowl):
Raiders vs. Vikings. Vikings win.

Can you believe it? I predicted the Raiders and Vikings to meet in the Super Bowl--and not just because they happen to be my two favorite teams. My ingenious formula placed them there, with the Vikings winning.

There you have it. While the "experts" may laugh at my predictions, we'll see who has the last laugh. Well, I suppose they will. While I may or may not have more accurate predictions, the experts are generally paid for their prediction. So they'll be laughing all the way to the bank.

Ingenious can only take you so far in this world.

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If you have any constructive thoughts on my commentary, let me know. If, for some reason, you'd like my opinion on a certain topic and want to suggest a commentary topic, let me know that, too. My e-mail address for such endeavors is mark@wentzmania.com.