A Long Line of Millennium Celebrations
For the first time in several years, we're not entering a new millennium.
In December 1999, we thought we were going to be going into a new millennium because the year was going to end in three zeroes. Unfortunately, we also had the Y2K bug which took, ironically, the buzz off of the new year/millennium celebrations. Many people still found the time and party hats to celebrate. Many "this-isn't-the-new-millennium" people didn't celebrate because, presumably, they don't party for your average run-of-the-mill new years. They hold out for the big ones.
Then, in December 2000, we were supposed to celebrate the real new millennium. You see, they start counting the years with "1," not "0." Therefore, the first millennium is years 1-1000. The second millennium is years 1001-2000. January 1, 2001 began the 3rd millennium--which will end with December 31st, 3000 or George W. Bush pushing a little red button (whichever comes first). So we were supposed to celebrate the real new millennium. Most of us did, whether or not we agreed with the math. That leads me to believe people who aren't good at math like to party more than do people who are good at math. And if there were ever a good reason to skip math class, that must be it.
So, this year, I thought we have no millennium to celebrate. Until now.
I argue that this is the year to celebrate the TRUE real new millennium.
I have two rationalizations for such a claim.
1.) The year numbers are based on someone in the past picking a relatively arbitrary date (the debated year Jesus Christ was born) in which to start counting. But Earth was invented WAY before that. We have no way of knowing the exact age of Earth, so we can claim ANY year as the first year and be just as likely to be correct as if we pick any other year. I pick whatever year it would take to make January 1st the first day of a new millennium (whether you attended math class or not).
2.) Jesus was reportedly born December 25. That may be true, but when was Jesus "officially" born. In effect, when was the birth certificate signed by a doctor. Remember, Jesus wasn't born in a hospital. It's going to take a while to find a doctor to sign the birth certificate, especially for out-of-towners like Mary and Joseph.
Then, when you finally get the birth certificate signed, you have to give it to the proper government offices to be added to the records. That's never a quick task on a normal day. But you have to remember, most of the government workers had Christmas and New Year's off--a lot of them probably had the days off in between. Once they do get back to work, they've got a larger than normal backlog of work. By the time they get to the form, the date could be anywhere from mid-January to sometime in 4008.
When all of the paperwork is done, it's no longer the same year, but a year later. Partway through a year is no time to start a millennium, so the dudes-in-charge say, "Let's push this whole A.D. thing back a year."
And, wha-la! What is commonly referred to as January 1, 2002 begins the new millennium! So let's party!
That's the thing about American parties--it's not like we need an excuse to party. If it's a day that ends with a "y," y not have a party? American celebrations are strange things. Sometimes you start the cake on fire (for birthdays), other times you start explosives on fire (Independence Day), and still other times you start the city on fire (your local sports team won the championship). Then there are those who celebrate by getting drunk. That makes things a bit difficult. If you're walking down the street and you see someone you know vomiting, you don't know whether to call a doctor or give the person a greeting card. For a lot of folks, it seems there's a direct correlation between how much you partied and how big your headache is the next morning. If Hallmark created the holidays, aspirin companies created the celebrations.
So, it's time for another millennium celebration. And we should have this millennium party stuff down now.
We have had years of practice.
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The opinions expressed here are solely those of the writer and do not neccessarily reflect those of the rest of the family.
© 2001, Mark Wentz