How Key is a "W" Anyway?

It was reported that Clinton staff stole the W keys from the White House computer keyboards (although some were merely "marked out").

Hilarious. Illegal and immature. But hilarious.

You see, George W. Bush's nickname is "W," a fact that was mentioned ad nauseum in both the election and my commentaries. So, as revenge, or rather, a practical joke, the W keys were taken from the keyboards. That's clever. In fact, that is almost as clever as George W.'s three-fingered salute.

The crisis this creates is now documents won't have the ever important "w" in them. How is a person to spell those common "w" words like, well, "well," "words," "two," and "one?"

Stealing "w" keys is pretty tame. It works for Bush, but what about all the other candidates who ran for the position? What would Clinton staffers have done to other candidates had one of them won:

Pat Buchanan: Put a big wall around the keyboard--to keep out immigrant fingers.

Ralph Nader: Put little picketers around the keyboard demanding a Ralph Nader key.

John Hagelin: Split the keyboard into two factions--one deleting the other's actions.

Jerry Browne: Take all the keys that were not specifically protected by the United States constitution.

And, finally, Al Gore: All the keys would be placed in--say it with me--a lockbox.

Practical jokes are fine. Granted, it's probably pretty hectic in the White House right now. Any Presidential transition would be hectic. But, I don't think some missing keyboard keys is going to pose any national security risk.

Personally, though, I'd have rather they had disconnected George W.'s computer's CPU to see how long it took for him to realize it was gone.

But missing W keys will work, too.

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If you have any constructive thoughts on my commentary, let me know. If, for some reason, you'd like my opinion on a certain topic and want to suggest a commentary topic, let me know that, too. My e-mail address for such endeavors is mark@wentzmania.com.