Vacation Over; Time to Think
I suggest -- I STRONGLY suggest -- that those who follow politics as something other than a hobby or entertainment take the week following the election off and go on vacation--just to get away from it all and avoid the post-election punditry (like this). This is especially important when your candidate (or, in my case, candidates) lost. My vacation happened to coincide with the election, but the timing couldn’t have been better.
That Bush guy won again. Hmmm. That’s no good. Actually, considering Florida in 2000, “again” is a generous term. Actually, considering the situation in Ohio, so is “won.” But he is Bush, and he is a guy. So I wasn’t totally incorrect.
Now is the time to look back and see why the good guys lost. I was surprised to find out that it was because of “moral values.” While I look up those words and try to figure out how a guy who has a hobby war going in Iraq can beat anyone on “moral values,” let’s tie up some loose election ends.
Three Things Kerry Did That Made Me Cringe
1) He told Bush to “Bring it on.” May not seem like much, but Kerry used it partially in reference to when Bush encouraged the insurgents in Iraq to kill our soldiers. Bush’s use of the phrase was reckless and cowardly. Kerry only diluted it and distracted the nation from Bush’s use of it.
2) He saluted and reported for duty at the convention. Yes, they were playing up the Vietnam War angle, but he’s no longer in the service. It was just plain goofy.
3) He mentioned that Dick Cheney’s daughter is a lesbian. No, not because it was out of place to bring her into the mix: the Bush/Cheney campaign did that. I winced because there was no good that could come of it. Was Kerry trying to draw the homophobe vote? Was he trying to portray the Bush administration as hypocritical? Did someone tell him it would be a good idea? Whatever the case, it was awkward and unfortunate. Besides that, a significant portion of the population only objects to homosexuality when parties in question are men. When it’s men making out, the response is “ick!” When it’s women making out, the response is “Can I get that on DVD?”
Things We Learned During the Campaign
1) Kerry should have lost because Bruce Springsteen is a celebrity
2) Bush should have won because Curt Schilling is a celebrity
3) War medals come in Cracker Jacks, breakfast cereal boxes, or can be awarded to one’s self and are, therefore, totally and absolutely meaningless.
4) Since the Bush administration committed all sorts of shenanigans yet the only “gate”-worthy scandal was Dan Rather using some phony documents, it can be deemed obvious that the “liberal media” does not exist.
5) I earned 0 Bush team leader points and therefore get NO team leader gear.
6) I look and sound like Anthony Edwards (Actually, that was learned on the vacation)
Clearly, though, this is a nation that needs healing. No, no, not the Dr. Seuss-ish red state blue state problems. Not the abortion issue. Not same-sex marriage. None of those. I think we need to throw some therapy at the Springsteen and Republican relationship. Republicans were up in arms because Bruce spoke in favor of Kerry and against Bush. They were angry at him for speaking out for the burdened and oppressed. It wasn’t always this way, you know. There was a time, in the 1980s, where a Republican presidential candidate was using Springsteen’s “Born in the USA” as a campaign theme song. He was considered a patriot and all-American good guy. Now, Bruce is being heckled and discredited by Republicans. What gives? What caused this rift?
Did the Republicans not appreciate it when Springsteen sold two albums at once? Not everyone has that kind of cash on hand. Did they finally listen to the lyrics of “Born in the USA” and realize that Bruce isn’t an America-Can-Do-No-Wrong patriot that Republicans like, but more of a Hey-America-As-A-Friend-I-Must-Tell-You-That-You’ve-Got-Toilet-Paper-Stuck-On-Your-Shoe patriot? Did they discover that he is from New Jersey, thus making him one of them Northeasterners they dread so much? Was it just the fact that Bruce spoke out against Bush so the far right sent out their attack dogs and started a smear campaign like they did with Richard Clarke, Joe Wilson, Paul O’Neill, General Anthony Zinni, and General Eric Shinseki?
I don’t think so. Although I have no evidence to back me on this, I believe the split came just after the “Born in the USA” thing. Republicans were sitting around, flipping channels, and came across MTV. They saw Bruce Springsteen and said, “Here’s that all-American fellow! Let’s sit a spell and watch him be American.” Then tragedy struck. The video ends up being “Dancing in the Dark.” In that video, he dances. Dances, I tell ya!! (It’s not very Springsteen-like to dance.) With Courtney Cox! Scary stuff. Even Bruce’s biggest fans were spooked. Bruce might as well have saluted and said he was reporting for duty.
So how does America heal itself? I think what we need is to put Bruce on national television and have him apologize for the “Dancing in the Dark” video. The pain would be over. Republicans would smile. And Bruce would be back on top of the singer/patriot pedestal. Their rift would be closed. Shortly thereafter, America would make amends with itself. Soon, all would be well in the world again. So, Republican America, would that do it? Would Bruce Springsteen apologizing for the “Dancing in the Dark” video be enough for Americans to put aside their differences and focus our venom at our common enemy (folks who drive slowly in the fast lane)? What say?
Certainly, with questionable ads, fuzzy logic, misrepresenting claims, and slanderous e-mailings, American elections have set the bar pretty low for the campaigners. But elections are not totally about failure and embarrassment and blind hatred. Sometimes, things happen that can only be referred to as gutsy. (Usually, by accident, though.) So we end a positive note: the gutsiest moments of the 2004 election.
The runner up for the gutsiest moment in this campaign: Dick Cheney telling debate watchers to visit factcheck.org. Okay, okay, he said factcheck.com, which ended up being owned by an archenemy. But, you have to be pretty gutsy to tell people to check out the facts when most of the facts are against you. Kudos.
The gutsiest moment in the campaign goes to Mike Tice, head coach of the Minnesota Vikings. At one campaign event, Tice introduced Bush to the attendees. That doesn’t sound like much, but his boss, billionaire Red McCombs, wants a Minnesota’s workers to donate to him a 1/2 billion dollar stadium. Thankfully, it has faced tough resistance from Minnesota’s legislature. It doesn’t help McCombs’ case any, I assume, to have the Tice give his seal of approval to the guy who gave McCombs a disproportionately high tax break, who the voters of Minnesota voted against, and whose party opposes higher taxes. Minnesota is as harshly divided as the rest of the country; Tice did McCombs no favors by choosing up sides. Yet, he did it anyway. Vivan los kudos.
So, that about sums it up for the 2004 election. Here’s hoping the next election comes again really soon.
I could use another vacation.
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The opinions expressed here are solely those of the writer and do not neccessarily reflect those of the rest of the family.
© 2004, Mark Wentz