There's nothing like a good joke.




(Here are some chemistry or career-related jokes. It is assumed all of them are "borrowed." Laugh if you can, groan if you must, but ALWAYS forget the punch line.)

So, a physicist, a biologist and a mathematician are sitting on a park bench. They see two people go inside a house across the street. A little while later, they see three people come out.

The physicist says "Hmmm, an error in measurement."

The biologist says "Ah. They multiplied."

And the mathematician says "If one more person goes into the house, the house will be empty."

There are only 10 kinds of people in the world, those who get binary and those who don't. (Jon's friend Scott)

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate! (Kathy)

If you can't make a mountain out of a molehill, you're not a very good politician.
If you can't make a molehill out of a mountain, you're not a very good chemist. (Mark)

Two atoms are walking down the street. They run into each other and one falls down. The other says, "Oh, no! Are you all right?" The first replies, "No, I lost an electron!" The other asks, "Are you sure?" and the first cries, "I'm positive!" (wah wah waaaah) (Deb)

Heisenberg gets pulled over by a cop, who asks him, "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "No, but I know where I am!" (Deb)

A bear in Yosemite and a bear in Alaska fall into the water. Which one dissolves first? --The bear in Alaska, because its polar. (Deb)

How many moles are in guacamole? --Avocado's number. (Deb)

Life is complex. Some parts are real and some parts are imaginary. (Deb)

Following the success of their object
oriented version of C, C++, AT&T is
rumoured to be working on a similar
version of Cobol. It will be called
ADD_ONE_TO_COBOL. (Jon)

Sign at a hotel:
Heisenberg may have slept here (Deb)

Q: What's this?

____________
___oo_______

A: Two corpuscles who loved in vein. (Joanne)

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
A: To get to the other . . . Never mind. (Joanne)

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.
- Mark Twain (Joanne)

Memo from University President to physics dept:

"Why do I always have to give you guys so much money for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff? Why couldn't you be like the math. department - all they need is money for pencils, paper and erasers. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All they need are pencils and paper." (Jon)

What's the most important thing to learn in chemistry?
Never lick the spoon. (Mark)

If it's green, it's biology.
If it smells bad, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics. (Jon)