An Evening with Jon's HCJ Tickets: A Very Special Report
... Enjoy the show. Let me know how it goes. I can have a vicarious social life through the people I know. So if it's boring, make stuff up.
:)
My brother Jon was driving one day and listening to the radio. During the Moon and Staci show they said "Let's try a new game. Here's the latest song from Toto." Confused, Jon called in and asked that was some subtle hint to call in. They said yes. In fact, it was so subtle no one else called in. So Jon got to try for the prize. To gain victory, he needed to answer three trivia questions.
Question one: What extraterrestrial object was Moon named after? Jon, the Trivia King (he's been on Who Wants to be Across from a Millionaire, you know), correctly answered Moon-Unit Zappa. {Applause}
Question two: What was the total acreage of co-host Ryan's parents' farm? 314.748181. Jon, remembering Ryan's parents' home is two stories, got it right. {Applause}
Question three: What is Staci's current white blood count? Jon got that right, too, when he answered 3. {Applause} It doesn't seem really fair, though, as Jon spent three summers working as a carnie guessing his own weight. (Some days with upwards of 37 percent accuracy.) Unfortunately, some folks (like me) will always feel there should be an asterisk next to Jon's name in the radio trivia record books. Also, we've found out why a two-person program has three hosts. (Send "get well" cards to Staci care of KS 95.)
So Jon won the prize. What was the prize? Two tickets to Harry Connick, Jr.'s (known on his concert tee-shirts as HCJ) concert in Minneapolis. Jon was very happy. Happy, that is, until he noticed the "Jr." He had mistakenly assumed it was a Harry Connick, Sr. (known on HIS concert tee-shirts as "Cotton-poly Blend") concert. Having always been a big fan of corrupt district attorneys (Jon has all of their trading cards), Jon was disappointed to find out he wouldn't see Cotton-poly blend New Orleans' worst into prison.
Disgruntled, Jon had few places to turn. He needed to get rid of these tickets he refused to use. He turned to one of his brothers, me, and offered to allow Stephanie and me to partake of HCJ's concert. Stephanie and I would like to thank Jon for his generous offer. More than that, we'd like to thank Jon's friends, colleagues, and family for not letting him in on a crazy little invention called EBay. You all have a special place in our hearts. You all have special places in our hearts? You all have special places in our collective heart? You all have ... um ... our gratitude.
Harry was in town to promote his new album: Only You. It's a collection of oldey-timey song(eys) which Harry reworked and recorded. If that gives you a feeling a deja vu, you're not the only one. I suppose HCJ figured he'd waited long enough and decided a sequel (or prequel) of "When Harry Met Sally" just wasn't in the works. I guess they just don't make sequels of movies with mediocre success. And quality.
Now about that concert. Since I'm not a fan of a lot of jazz, I'll just say that the concert started off acceptably. A couple songs, a few jokes. I'm not a huge fan of his music, but HCJ has great comic timing -- unlike HCS who has stumbled laughing at others' jokes.
Then, mid-song, he all of a sudden stops. He demands two fresh bottles of water and a towel. A roadie (HCS calls them rock's bailiffs) brings the demanded items. Harry leaps into the audience and starts pouring one of the bottles onto a woman lying on the floor. She had passed out, he later tells us, from the heat and poor ventilation of the auditorium. He poured water on the woman to cool her off. Then, when she came to, he gave her the other bottle of water for her to drink so she could cool off more and re-hydrate. While she was drinking, he took the towel and wiped the water off her face and dried her hair. (More women swooned. What a showman!!!)
Once things had settled down again, HCJ opened a window and went back to his concert. He performed a little Mexican/Jazz number (Gringo-go, I believe, is the current lexicon for the genre) in celebration of Cinco de Mayo. Cinco de Mayo is the anniversary of the day a guy in Tijuana successfully ate five jars of mayonnaise. {Applause} Of course, everyone enjoyed the song. But HCJ would soon be interrupted again.
Turns out that we were caught in one of those moments. During his next song, a remake of Neil Diamond's Copa Cabana remake, a small group of Canadian Buddhists tried to hijack the Auditorium. They had confused Northrup Auditorium with Northwest Airlines. I won't go into the gruesome details, but HCJ single-handedly disarmed them with a complimentary doughnut he had brought from backstage. Hold on now ... before you start nominating him for any awards, you should know that they were only armed with bacon. Once the communication was established, we all found out they meant no harm and were merely trying to share their love for breakfast and negotiate a trade agreement for said meal. But it could have been much worse.
After that, Harry wows the audience with a few more songs, tells a few more jokes, shakes his buns at the audience, and ends the concert. In short, everyone enjoyed at least PART of the evening.
So, Jon, thanks for the tickets. It was a wonderful evening. And there is good news. I understand Toto is going on tour to promote their new release.
If I score tickets, they're yours! :P
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The opinions expressed here are solely those of the writer and do not neccessarily reflect those of the rest of the family.
© 2004, Mark Wentz